The Waiting

I don't even know ho to start. This is my confession. I agree with the Bible: I have an ugly heart. This is my most recent discovery.

As foolish as it may sound, such a "discovery" it isn't only we are face to face to our giants and as I like to call it "little monsters" when our nature is revealed.

View of Ulaanbatar Airport on January 28th, 2012.
By Mila Guio

As I wrote in my last post, I am in a waiting process. But not a normal waiting. Like the types of waiting that are: "oh, wait 5 minutes" not like : "Oh, Ms. Martinez, you have to wait till next week". No. Is the type of waiting that sounds "You have to wait, you can not go anywhere and I can not tell you until when I will have an answer. By the way you are also stuck here. Cannot move or go anywhere."

I have a big problem (bigger than I though) with Mrs. UNCERTAINTY. Is ugly. I don't like it.

My waiting process involves my visa to keep my volunteer/missionary work in Taiwan. Involves not being able to join my Titus Project team waiting for me in Mongolia. Involves loneliness. Involves quietness. Involves reflection.

At this point I don't know who has notices the progression. From the ugliest description pf uncertainty I could give, it's becoming something that should be even desirable.

From left to right: Mila (Brazil), Jeanine (Dom. Rep.),
Jonas (Norway), Chrissy (USA), Jessica (USA), Garret (USA),
Stella (Denmark), Sarah (South Korea)

As many of us know, if we have been walking with the Lord for a little while, that is the place of trust and quietness and stillness and listening that God wants us. That place when He is not a resource He is the fountain, the refuge, the Sovereign Lord. And indeed He our glorious God still in Control. Just as my good and close friend-more-than-a-friend-sister Angie told me:" HE is not surprised or going to be moved by your sadness, desperation or frustration. HE will move according to His purpose and He is waiting to test your reaction". Ouch! Truth always hurts but always heals. Specially when it comes from someone who loves you. I was reminded, is not a good idea to try to manipulate God.

 And after a couple of days of praying, and worship and pouring my heart and complaints before the Lord I am on the path of surrender. Because surrender is not a point that we reach on the road but is one of the layers in our constant walk with Christ. And as always I trust that whether or not I receive my visa, whether I go to join my team in Mongolia this weekend , next week or even if I don't get there, I know that there is no way that my ways are better, more straight, more loving, more righteouss, more glorious, more holy than the path that the Almighty has decreed. So I choose to walk that way. One step at a time. One day at a time. Maybe tomorrow I will struggle again. That will be another choice. In the meanwhile:

Brothers and sisters in Mongolia worshiping the Lord.
January 30th, 2012. By Mila Guio.

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy" (ESV) Psalm 103:1-4